Help for Battered Women:
Domestic abuse, also known as spousal abuse, occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. Domestic abuse that includes physical violence is called domestic violence.
Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb. Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you.
Domestic violence and abuse does not discriminate. It happens among heterosexual couples and in same-sex partnerships. It occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels. And while women are more commonly victimized, men are also abused—especially verbally and emotionally, although sometimes even physically as well. The bottom line is that abusive behavior is never acceptable, whether it’s coming from a man, a woman, a teenager, or an older adult.
(Taken from: helpguide.com)
Links that can help:
http://www.ywca.org/site/pp.asp?c=btIRK9OXG&b=23417 Simply click on this site and then click on your state. It will take you to all the YWCA shelters in your area!
HELP IS HERE!
A site regarding domestic violence. You can look up information for your state. Read other womens' testimonies. Learn about your rights! Click on this website:
National Domestic Violence Hotline Website and Phone Numbers: The Hotline.org
Toll free Hotline Anytime: 1-800-799-7233
From the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Website:
Safety Plans and Tips: http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/GettingHelp.php
Take an online tour of a shelter: http://www.safehorizon.org/index/get-help-8/dealing-with-domestic-violence-35/tour-a-domestic-violence-shelter-3.html
Safe Horizons: This organization assists with domestic violence, human trafficking, homeless and much more
http://www.womenslaw.org/gethelp.php Legal questions and answers. Sources for assistance.
Identifying an Abusive Relationship
The following lists and references from other resources are to give specific examples of abuse. This should make it a little easier to identify an abusive relationship.
TYPES OF ABUSE
Abusive Behavior Checklist
Yes or No
________ I feel that my partner is trying to run my life.
________ I feel that my opinion or emotions don't matter in our relationship.
________ My partner cuts me down and calls me names.
________ My partner forbids me to do things like see a friend, wear a certain thing, or do something I want to do.
________ I find myself asking my partner's permission to spend time alone with friends or to engage in activities that don't include him or her.
________ I am often accused of flirting when I talk to friends of the opposite sex; my partner is very suspicious and jealous of me.
________ I try to please my partner, only to be criticized again and again.
________ When we argue, my partner always has to always win the argument, and won't really listen to my side of the story.
________ I am sometimes afraid of my partner.
________ I feel nervous or afraid to refuse my partner's sexual advances.
________ I have been threatened by my partner (with a break-up, with physical harm, with suicide, etc.).
________ My partner has destroyed or stolen my property to punish me.
________ My partner has hit, kicked, slapped, pushed, or otherwise struck me during an argument.
What is Emotional Abuse?
_______ My partner blames me or anything that goes wrong in our lives.
_______ My feeling are ridiculed by my partner.
_______ My partner never accepts responsibility for his own actions.
_______ Everything I say or do is criticized by my partner.
_______ My partner tells me other people don't really like me.
_______ I can't clean the house in a way that suits my partner.
_______ My partner wants meals on the table at certain times, but what I cook is criticized.
_______ My partner says I don't drive the car well.
_______ My partner makes fun of me in front of family and friends.
_______ My partner says I'm crazy.
______ My partner says or does things, then denies it.
______ My partner accuses me of wanting to be with other men.
______ My partners tells me if I leave him, I will never see the children again.
______ Although my children are the most important things in the world to me, my partner tells me I'm a bad parent and they would be better off without me.
______ My partner tells me that if I leave him, he will hurt my children, or my parents.
______ The family pet has been hurt by my partner and says he can do the same to me and the children.
______ I used to go to church every week, but my partner won't allow me to go anymore.
______ The children feel that we need to walk on eggshells around my partner, because we never know what will cause a temper outburst.
What is Physical Abuse?
_______ My partner has slapped me.
_______ My partner has pushed me.
______ My partner has thrown me across the room.
______ My partner has grabbed me by the arms or wrists.
______ My partner has kicked me.
______ My partner has thrown an object at me.
______ My partner has physically forced me to go from one place to another.
______ My partner has had his hands around my throat.
______ My partner has held me down on the floor or bed.
______ My partner has burned me with a cigarette on purpose.
______ My partner has pulled my hair.
______ My partner has punched me with his fist.
______ My partner has held a weapon pointed at me.
______ My partner has made threats to kills or hurt me.
______ My partner has hurt me with a weapon.
______ My partner has caused me to have a black eye or bruise.
What is Verbal Abuse?
_______ My partner tells me no one else would want me. I'm lucky she or he puts up with me.
_______ My partner make jokes about me that hurt and embarrass me.
_______ My partner calls me names.
_______ My partner says I can't cook, don't make enough money, don't clean right, am a bad parent, etc.
_______ When I am upset about something, my partner refuses to discuss it.
_______ My partner says hurtful things about me in front of other people.
_______ My partner gives me the silent treatment.
_______ My partner contradicts me about everything I say.
_______ My partner says all our fights are my fault because I'm too sensitive.
______ My partner says that I make him or her angry by doing or saying things he or she has told me not to.
_______ When I complain about something my partner has done, he or she often denies doing it.
What is Economic Abuse?
_______ I want to work, but he won't allow it.
_______ I have a job, but he demands that I hand my paycheck over to him.
_______ He hides money from me.
_______ I hide money from him so he won't get mad if I buy something.
_______ The house is in his name only.
_______ The checking and savings accounts are in his name only.
_______ If I don't spend any money, I think we will get along better.
_______ I must go to him for everything, even the money to buy feminine products.
_______ He pays the credit card bills, but won't give me any cash.
_______ I don't know how much money he earns or has in the bank.
_______ I can't spend any money without being questioned by him.
_______ He talked me into giving him power of attorney so he can sign .
What is sexual abuse?
_______ I have no control over when we have sex; he makes the decisions.
_______ I have no control over what kinds of sex we have; he does what he wants even if I'm saying no.
______ He has a schedule of when he expects sex from me and I'm not allowed to say I don't want it.
_______ He accuses me of flirting with or trying to seduce almost every male we come into contact with. He gets angry and won't believe my denials.
_______ I'm not allowed to use birth control.
_______ He has said he knows he is not the father of one or more of our children, although that is not true.
_______ He has offered me to his friends sexually or threatens to.
_______ He doesn't care when I say he is hurting me during sex.
_______ He tells me he has sex with other women, but won't wear a condom with them or with me so that I am exposed to sexually transmitted diseases.
_______ He controls what I wear and I have to be all covered up before I can go out.
_______ He controls what I wear and he wants me to wear short tight clothes that make me look sexy.
_______ He talks about my sexual behavior to his friends.
_______ He talks about my sexual behavior to my children.
_______ He threatens to find another woman to give him what he wants if I won't.
_______ He starts having sex with me when I'm asleep.
excerpt from Will The Real Church Stand Up by Susan Greenfield